AUTONOMIA VEM DO PAI

A sociedade atribuiu aos homens a missão de provedores e às mulheres a responsabilidade de cuidadoras, pelo menos este tem sido o padrão, mas estamos mudando e talvez logo sejamos capazes de ver uma nova humanidade onde os papéis se misturarão, confundirão e se complementarão.

É fácil reparar no quanto é distinto o papel de cada um na formação dos filhos. Se observarmos apenas o momento em que ensinamos uma criança a andar, o pai diz: “ com a mamãe”, enquanto que ela diz VENHA. O pai equilibra, encaminha, encoraja, transmite segurança e solta, enquanto que a mãe acolhe, recolhe, abraça e conforta. Talvez seja da natureza animal o pai lançar o filho ao mundo enquanto que a mãe o querer protegido.

No entanto, ao trabalhar com famílias com algum dos filhos com Síndrome de Down, tenho reparado na omissão dos pais enquanto que as mulheres em geral, tem se empenhado cada vez mais para suprir nossas falhas.

Vejo que praticamente todas as mães assumem seus filhos independentemente das limitações, mas a maioria dos pais não sabe o que fazer se o filho não atende aos “seus” padrões de qualidade e como foi a barriga dela que o gerou, então que também assuma toda a responsabilidade para cria-lo.

Tenho buscado conversar com os pais, convido-os para acompanhar esposa e filhos nos atendimentos, mas comumente recebo o recado de que estão ocupados demais trabalhando. Muitas vezes são nítidas fugas de olhar-se no espelho, com o tempo, outras fugas surgirão, como a separação ou a bebida.

No entanto, aqueles pais que assumem inteiramente seus filhos, que os encorajam a serem independentes, que estão ao seu lado dia a dia, desafiando-os a subir mais um degrauzinho, a encarar uma dificuldade, a assumir uma responsabilidade. São estes pais que fazem crer não serem os profissionais, mas muito mais eles que fazem a diferença na autonomia dos filhos, pois quando o pai acredita no filho, lhe dá segurança e no olhar da mãe encontrar a recompensa para avançar.

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