SEPARAÇÃO. COMO LIDAR COM O SENTIMENTO DOS FILHOS?

Sabemos que muito antes de ocorrer a separação física dos pais, ocorre a separação emocional que, em muitas vezes, leva a desentendimentos, desencontros, quando não, às agressões físicas e à violência psicológica.

E a criança que presencia estas cenas sofre muito, pois trata-se das pessoas que ela mais ama e necessita. Até mesmo bebês muito novos, embora não compreendam a situação, conseguem captar a tensão do ambiente familiar e “saber” que algo está muito errado, expressando seus sentimentos através do choro e da agitação.

Bebês até dois anos podem desenvolver atitudes mais medrosas e certa regressão, enquanto crianças de quatro e cinco anos podem fantasiar a separação como temporária, como quando brigam com seus amiguinhos e depois fazem as pazes. Mas, a criança de cinco e seis anos, tende a se sentir culpada, como se tivesse feito ou pensado algo muito errado e por isso os pais brigaram e vão se separar. Poderão desenvolve então, um sentimento de responsabilidade pela reconciliação dos pais, muitas vezes apresentando até atitudes de autopunição.

Já criança em idade escolar tem compreensão melhor dos problemas paternos e das razões para a separação, embora muitas vezes sinta-se abandonada e com raiva deles. Em muitos casos, o rendimento escolar pode ser prejudicado e surgirem problemas de comportamento em casa e na escola, poderá tornar-se impulsiva, desrespeitar regras familiares, ao mesmo tempo demonstrar maior dependência e ansiedade.

Os conflitos conjugais e a separação podem colocar os pais num tal estado de preocupação e perturbação, dificultando a assistência emocional aos filhos, agravando ainda mais o desespero, a angústia e a insegurança deles.

Com a separação, os pais encontram novos problemas e dificuldades ante a administração e adaptação da nova vida. Geralmente decai o orçamento doméstico, principalmente para a mulher, que normalmente acaba ficando com os filhos e tem a menor renda, o que acarreta em mais mudanças na vida familiar, intensificando a frustração, mágoa e raiva. O filho sente falta da presença da figura parental ausente, enquanto aquele que ficou com a custódia tende a ser mais frio e insensível com a criança, sendo mais provável pela falta de disponibilidade que pela falta de interesse.

De um modo geral, as crianças podem ficar deprimidas, tristes, desobedientes, apresentar comportamentos mais agressivos e rebeldes, insônia, pesadelos, alterações do apetite, dificuldade de concentração e perda do interesse pela vida social.

Mas, se a separação é tão prejudicial, a manutenção de uma relação infeliz é muito mais prejudicial à saúde física e mental da criança. Presenciando certas atitudes e comportamentos dos pais, aprende que os conflitos e problemas devem ser resolvidos com agressividade e intolerância. Assim, viver apenas com um dos pais, pode ser a solução mais adequada e saudável.

Muitas crianças, ao contrário, conseguem superar a perda do pai com quem não estão vivendo, a perda das rotinas familiares e suas tradições, e a segurança de se sentir amadas e cuidadas por ambos os pais. Apresentam, também, maior capacidade adaptativa ante as mudanças que se fizeram necessárias.

O modo como cada uma se ajustará à separação, depende diretamente de como os pais lidam com o fato, como interagem entre si e com os filhos, antes e depois da separação.

Muitos pais deixam de informar seus filhos, pois acreditam que não vão entender por serem muito novos. Entretanto, a criança de qualquer idade capta que uma mudança está ocorrendo e percebe o clima cheio de tensão. Assim, usando uma linguagem adequada à idade de cada uma, ambos os pais devem informá-la da decisão tomada.

As crianças também precisam saber que não causaram a separação, para que se evite uma culpabilidade sem sentido e prejudicial.

Pais separados não precisam ser amigos, porém, devem manter atitudes de respeito e autocontrole quando em presença dos filhos, principalmente as de apoio em questões que se relacionam com a educação e disciplina.

Um dado importantíssimo é que o pai ou a mãe que estiver com a criança, seja por custódia ou durante as visitas, evite desvalorizar o que está ausente, mantendo sempre atitude de respeito e cordialidade, para que a criança possa manter um desenvolvimento mais adequado e maduro.

Quanto mais os pais tomarem consciência de que são responsáveis pelo bem-estar físico e emocional de seus filhos, maiores as possibilidades de um futuro satisfatório para eles, pois as crianças dependem dos pais e se formam através deles. Os pais devem estar atentos que a separação física, ou seja morar em casas separadas não significa o fim do relacionamento, pois o divórcio emocional pode não ocorrer nesta mesma data e talvez nem mesmo venha a ocorrer, o amor e a cordialidade antes existente pode ser substituído pela hostilidade, mesmo que velada e os filhos perceberão tais comportamentos, quer seja por questões de partilha, pensão, guarda em finais de semana e férias, intolerância com os avós e outros membros da família, reclamações sobre roupas, brinquedos, presentes, atividades promovidas pela outra parte, diálogos e conversas alheias à rotina habitual que são introduzidas pela outra parte. Se para os pais a separação é difícil, não dá para imaginar que para os filhos será mais fácil.

 

Fonte: baseado no Blog do Bebê – uol.com.br
Imagem: mother-holding-a-hand-of-his-son-in-summer-day-walking-on-the-st-FreePik
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