SD, PRESENTINHO DE DEUS

Dia desses quase fui nocauteado pelo comportamento e relato de uma mãe. Começou quando entrei na sala de espera e anunciei o nome do paciente. Uma mulher respondeu. Diferente das outras mães, não segurava seu bebe entre os braços, mas trazia o recém-nascido na palma das mãos. Ofereceu-me como se carregasse uma bandeja e não uma vida. Foi quando ela demonstrou preocupar-se mais com as sacolas que percebi tê-lo acolhido junto ao peito como se fosse meu. Seguimos para o consultório enquanto eu tentava imaginar no quanto também podia sofrer aquela mãe. Senti-me sem forças para ajuda-la.

Assim como se vendesse bilhetes de loteria no meio da praça as questões protocolares foram respondias de forma firme e sem emoção. Até para a pergunta sobre o momento da notícia ela despejou:

– Nem lhe conto dotor. Eu tava na enfermaria, a médica entrou e falo: “sabia que teu filho tem Síndrome de Down? Este é o presentinho que Deus te deu. Corre atrás do prejuízo”. SIC

Quando terminou achei que a mulher ia ter um treco. Passou a chorar compulsivamente. Sinto-me incapaz de descrever a cena. Seu choro me aniquilou. Se eu pudesse teria pego também ela no colo e cantado até acalma-la, mas ao invés disso concentrei-me no bebe em meus braços, que alheio a tudo serenamente dormia. Creio ter vindo daquela coisinha minúscula e frágil a paz que eu precisava.

Pareceu uma eternidade, mas enquanto a mãe acalmava-se um pensamento reconfortante foi tomando forma e lentamente fui expressando em palavras:

– Você falou em presentinho de Deus. Eu queria entender um pouco melhor isso. Não sei se falamos da mesma figura, mas Deus é aquele todo poderoso? Que sabe tudo e está em todos os lugares?

Depois de uma breve pausa continuei:

– Não sei falar de outro Deus, mas apenas Deste onipresente, onisciente e todo poderoso. Pois é assim que O aceito e tento entender. Por isso, fiquei aqui imaginando como foi que aconteceu.

– Se Ele sabe tudo, então creio que Ele sabia o momento exato da concepção do teu filho.

– Se Ele está em todos os lugares, então também estava lá, naquele momento em que teu filho começou a ser gerado.

– Se Ele é todo poderoso, podia ter evitado que teu filho nascesse com SD, podia consertar qualquer coisa errada. E ainda pode.

– Mas se Ele não fez e não faz, deve ser porque não sabia e não sabe?

– Ele não estava lá?

– Ele ainda não viu o problema?

– Ele não consegue resolver?

Novamente parei e pensei um pouco, depois prossegui com uma boa pausa entre cada frase, até pra organizar meus próprios pensamentos.

– Talvez Ele não seja Deus já que não tem estes poderes.

– Mas se tem, Deus erra? Errou?

– E pior ainda, não conserta?

– Para continuar a crer no Deus que imagino, só posso pensar que Ele não errou. Teu filho tem Síndrome de Down e Deus não quer muda-lo, consertar ou curar como dizemos.

– Deus o fez assim, Deus o quer assim.

– Deus o fez com Síndrome de Down, assim, caprichado, perfeitinho, sem defeito e com um cromossomo 21 a mais.

– Então, se o erro não está no teu filho ou em quem tem SD, qualquer síndrome ou defeito como pensamos. Então o problema deve estar aqui em mim que não sei lidar com estas questões, pois se todos fossem exatamente iguais, eu não precisava aprender a lidar com tantas diferenças.

Só percebi conduzir um chato monólogo quando a mãe interrompeu-me com perguntas sobre características de SD; escola e inclusão; autonomia, trabalho e profissão; namoro, sexualidade e família. Algumas questões tinham respostas fáceis e outras nem respostas. Mas quando terminamos, com brilho nos olhos, ela esticou os braços pra pegar o filho e pediu-me para levar as sacolas até a recepção. Parecia que ela tinha acabado de dar a luz. Seu filho acabara de nascer e aquele tinha sido meu primeiro parto.

Texto: José Luiz Nauiack
Imagem: Thinkstock
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