BUSCA DE PRÍNCIPES ENCANTADOS

Muitas pessoas ainda sonham em relacionar-se com príncipes e princesas encantadas. Essa busca mudou de aparência, mas ainda é um dos focos, que direcionam homens e mulheres nos relacionamentos afetivos. As características desejadas mudaram, com a passagem do tempo, e se adequaram ao mundo rápido e globalizado, mas a base do comportamento continua a mesma: relacionar-se com alguém que seja perfeito, completo e estável, e que, desta forma, só traga felicidade e supra todas as necessidades.

Essa busca pelo par perfeito pode ter alguns ângulos positivos, como perceber seus próprios desejos, suas necessidades, e poder, assim, fazer suas escolhas.

No entanto, manter-se nessa busca da pessoa idealizada, na maioria dos casos, atrapalha o aprofundamento da relação. Na fase da paixão, pode até parecer que encontraram mesmo. Mas, como na vivência diária é bem diferente, logo se desiludem, deixam o parceiro e partem, de novo, em busca de alguém ideal. Eles reproduzem o erro, indefinidamente e tem dificuldade em viver uma relação por inteiro.

Num relacionamento, não se vê o outro com clareza. Cada um dos parceiros vê o outro, através do filtro dos próprios desejos e necessidades insatisfeitas. Os dois esperam que o outro o complete, ame e cuide. Ao perceber que isso não vai acontecer, de acordo com a expectativa, podem procurar outro parceiro e continuar repetindo o ciclo, interminavelmente, ou, ao enxergar a realidade, confrontar-se com ela, e estabelecer um novo contrato consigo mesmo e com o parceiro. Para isto, é necessário desaprender a maior parte das fantasias e desejos infantis sobre relacionamento e ir mudando, conforme as mudanças acontecem e enxergando quem realmente o outro é.

Ser feliz para sempre é o final que todos sonham, para sua história pessoal. Apesar de ninguém saber direito o que é felicidade, sabe-se que não é sinônimo de acomodação. Acomodar-se é a mesma coisa, que fazer uma longa viagem no piloto automático ou deixar os controles do carro, que está dirigindo, na mão de outra pessoa. Realizar sonhos é trabalhoso, e é difícil conseguir o que se quer. Essa tarefa se torna menos difícil, quando se foca nos sentimentos pessoais e nas mudanças internas, que são necessárias.

Ficar preso na desilusão, porque o outro não é o príncipe/princesa encantada, certamente, fará com que a vida em comum ser transforme num livro de “contas correntes”, onde se registrara todos os itens, que estão em débito. E que servirão de provas, instrumentos e armas para cada um dos embates, que acontecerão em cada nova frustração. Esse comportamento pode, também, criar um padrão de competição entre os parceiros, onde o esforço de cada um se concentra em provar, que o outro é pior e que lhe faz mais infeliz. O foco deixa de ser como posso fazer o outro feliz, como posso me aproximar do que o outro deseja, e se transforma em um jogo de dar menos do que o outro quer, fazer menos do que o outro necessita. E os dois ficam presos, nessa roda da infelicidade e frustração.

Enxergar a situação real significa, também, se adaptar às suas próprias mudanças e às mudanças do outro. E rever as escolhas. E, assim, abrir as possibilidades de recasarem. Poderem casar, muitas vezes, com a mesma pessoa que já casaram, é confirmar, que estão enxergando que são pessoas, que mudam com o tempo e com o eventos, e que, a cada etapa, é necessário haver uma nova escolha do outro, para ser seu companheiro. E, que a renovação da escolha é para um novo trecho da vida. Essa escolha implica em novo contrato, em novas aprendizagens. E, também em novas descobertas e novos prazeres.

Para todas essas mudanças e propostas existe um ingrediente que é indispensável: a receptividade. Estar disponível e aberto, para receber o outro como ele é, para enxergar o que o outro deseja e o que o faz feliz. Isto muda a direção das preocupações. E se os dois praticam essa mudança, a qualidade da relação rapidamente melhorará.

Texto de Solange Maria Rosset (www.srosset.com.br)
publicado em sem livro Temas de Casal - Editora Artesã, 2017 Belo Horizonte/MG
Imagem: pexels.com - frog-prince-56003
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